30 diciembre 2009

2009 damage recap

Another year went & fleeting... I have to admit I had never learned so much in a single year so far in my life.
I left a position at the Fac, I left my chance to be with her, I moved to the Valley, I left my friends and my not-very-well-paid job at CILC, picked up another job at a horrible school where fortunately enough I met a little person who recommended me for a job. I'm going to stick to that one...
I checked my resolutions for 2009 and I could barely achieve just a couple... It seems that my trip to NY is going further away even more. I just can't afford to ♥ NY.
This year I'm supposed to go under en eye surgery to get my vision all fixed. Hopefully I'll be getting my Ciclops vision by September.
This year we were acknowledged something: Nothing's for granted. I might say this was 2009's great lesson for us.
My dad was diagnosed with diabethis and for the first time I fell my entire world started to fall apart right in front of my eyes.
A month ago Mom found a little something in her bossom. Her mom died from the big C. We are still wandering amongst doubt and fear. I saw her cry. She's quite a tough girl, that's what freked the hell out of me. If she curmbled about her own health, how we are supposed to feel?
My brother doesn't want to study anymore and his only way out is to seek for shelter in drinking. We are tired to tell him to go the right way, he's a fucking grown up and he behaves as if he was fucking 7 y/o. We just have to let him touch bottom to see him finally wake up. Just hope it's not too late.
I'm moving back again to my old flat. I realized that as much as I love my family, they're not going to change just because I tell them to do so. I love my folks but they're just a bunch of crazy little people =) I realized I should not keep stuck myself, I should move on with my life and start making myself nothing but happy.
I also learned that I have to harden myself in order to survive, I just can't keep on playing the cool guy. UVM taught me nothing is what it seems and it's something I tought I had mastered well, as I play lots of characters but never show the real me. Call me fucking fake ass dick if you want, but there's no way I'm going to open up myself completely. People might think I'm fucking disturbed. Let's just keep my tiny twisted mind for my personal enjoyment and delight.
I became aware that she doesn't love me and she never will. I really need to get her out of my system.
The greatest lesson is that I learned I have to turn into a monster to get what I want, and a monster I'll be if it's what it takes.
So far, it seems that 2010 will be an interesting and quite hard year to handle.
Just pray for the strenght and the patience to cope with the challenge's life has in store for my folks and I.
As I said before, I never asked for this life, nonetheless it belongs to me.
I can't do anything else but live it...

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